A monthly column on purpose, passion and power in Jesus.
Often we disqualify ourselves from pursuing our dreams because we believe the lie that somehow we’re not able. We look at others getting ahead, fulfilling great things, while we’re on the slow track — to nowhere. We feel inadequate and that maybe, just maybe, we were the unlucky ones who didn’t get given the “success” gene.
I get the feeling, but I urge you to not give up on yourself or your dreams.
I began an incredible journey just over eight years ago. Part of it was having my son, Luke, which totally revolutionised my life and challenged me to radically transform how I’d been living. Before having him one of my biggest hopes was to be a mom.
For years I battled infertility. So when my dream of being a mommy finally came true the experience blew me away.
It’s been almost eight years since the beginning of that revolution took place. What a journey it’s been. While it’s been nothing short of amazing being a mom, not all of my journey has been great.
In these past eight years I’ve gone through two debilitating bouts of depression — one of them almost cost my life — literally.
While stuck in that tornado of dark emptiness I heard my little boy’s feet pattering down our hallway. When he got to me, he lifted his tiny arms for me to pick him up. I knew that if I lived for nothing else on this earth, I had a big BIG purpose: to be his mom and fulfil my call to raise him the best I could.
God’s grace is amazing
During these past eight years I also lost a business I’d invested so much of myself into — I didn’t know how I’d recover from that — but I did. God’s grace is too amazing to express.
I also begun a woman’s movement I know God’s got great plans for — what a stretch that has been.
And I finally decided to pursue my passion as a detox coach.
At this greying age of my life I am grateful I know that God loves me.
I am beyond blessed to have a husband who takes his office as husband very seriously — what an anchor he’s been. I’m grateful to God for trusting me when I haven’t had a stitch of belief in myself. And I’m grateful for my three children who remind me that miracles still happen today.
In these past eight years I’ve “started over” more times than I care to count. And I’ve failed more times than I’d truthfully admit.
I’d love to say I’m grateful for each trial, but they were horrible! Really horrible! Many hurt. My gratitude lies not in those awful experiences but in what they woke me up to and how they showed me that dawn always comes. We need to have an experience of dawn; it keeps us going.
Today my life looks very different to what it did eight years ago. My hair’s a lot more colourful. I have three kids — one almost too big to carry now. I thought the crazy would wear off with age but it seems I’m a little madder than I started out. And I’ve come to like that about me — my drama and all. I was told we tend to embrace our real selves as we grow older. I like that about growing older.
So here I am, sitting next to the love of my life as I write this.
On one hand I feel sick to my stomach for how twisted and broken the world is — on the other hand I’m grateful that in this cold weather I have a beautiful brick house sheltering us. I have a husband who’s my bestest friend. I have three gorgeous little people we made and somehow with all the insanity around us, I get to be a small part of making things better for people I work with on their own path to healing.
For the most part, this life’s tough. It really is.
We get up and move on
Of course we get those amazing moments, but things are hard and just as they seem to get easier we get knocked down by some unseen wind. But here’s the amazing part: we get up and we move on. And if we’re spiritually awake, we realise that this part of our lives is superbly tiny to the eternity of sheer bliss we’ll continuously enjoy one day with Jesus.
What do we do about the parts that hurt, ache, pain, or madden us?
We put on our armour and we stand against the wind.
We fight like good soldiers and watch that our words don’t become our downfall.
We speak faith and love every chance we get.
We find something we truly believe in and stand for it.
We honour each other.
We show true love and grace to those we claim to love.
We smile randomly.
We encourage one another.
We say thank You Jesus every time we remember His goodness. And, we live.
What I’ve learned in these past eight years is that everyone has a story. Behind our colourful fascinating Facebook statuses, many of us are hurting and failing and panicked and rapidly losing hope. But, beneath all that we’re warriors at heart — refusing to quit and waking up to face the world another day.
Never forget that you, Beautiful One, are amazing.
Don’t look at other people succeeding and think you’re failing. Everyone is on journey — so are you.
Push hard to achieve your dreams but be kind to yourself in the process. Don’t accept the failures as part of your identity — they’re just incidents — learn from them but don’t allow them in your DNA. Don’t be afraid to try again just because things didn’t work out the way you’d hoped.
Ask those people you admire if things were smooth and easy for them. No one has it easy. You won’t either.
What I can tell you though is this: the day you decide on what you’re going to go for — all in, totally focused, unshaken in your conviction — you’ll have a joy that is unquenched no matter how hard things get, because you’ll know what you’re living for and why you’re grinding so hard.
Make this life count.