[notice]Revivalist Shannon-Leigh Barry shares her wit and passion and the pursuits of her 20something heart in a monthly column that speaks to the desires of young adults in today’s Christian society. [/notice]
9 Questions to ask when choosing a mate
1. Are they Christian people?
It is important to look at the fruit of the person’s life. The fruit testifies so much more than what the person is saying to you about his or her relationship with God. The person can say he is Christian or spiritual but his lifestyle reflects something different to what he says he is. Your response should be: “I know what you are saying, but this is what I am seeing”.
For me this is a deal breaker because I love the Word of God and teach the Word. You need to ask the person about his views. You might think this plays no role but when children are being raised it will have a role. What does the person believe concerning baptism, faith, salvation, prophesy, unconditional love? I hear men say women should not preach. That’s okay, that’s their opinion but that’s certainly not the opinion I want to marry.
Let’s be honest money is a big cause for divorce today. People are in so much debt that by the time they get married you will marry into their debt. It is understandable if the person you are with has student loans and has tried to further his education and develop himself. Let’s not be hard on people but be aware that if someone is living off credit all the time that could cause a major point of contention later. When finances merge in marriage it’s your money that will be used to pay off debt.
4. Can you trust this person, or has this person given you reason to lose trust?
Trust is a major factor in any relationship but in a marriage trust is the thing that keeps you together. It’s a core element to any relationship. All people hate deception and feeling lied to. No matter who you are, it’s hard to stomach someone lying to you especially when you love that person. You will never fully give your heart to someone you don’t trust and so love is not expressed in its full capacity because you will hold back.
5. How does this person handle adversity?
I often look at short engagements and part of me gets concerned over this part. A pastor once advised me to date for at least a year before getting married. He said that you should see the person in different seasons before marrying them. You really need to know that when the hard times come rolling that person won’t roll up and out of there because he knows how to deal with adversity.
6. Have you ever seen this person angry?
Does the person know how to say sorry to you and is he or she really remorseful about hurting you. You will get hurt in a relationship and that’s why people apologise but marrying someone who is stubborn and does not acknowledge when he is wrong sounds rather tiresome.
8. Does this person trust God?
Have you seen this person exercise faith? It’s one thing to be a Christian and say ‘I love the Lord’ but does this person exercise faith? Pinpoint times where the person has demonstrated faith and took risks even small ones.
It is healthy to disagree. You can agree to disagree because people have different opinions. But concerning the person you marry that should be different. You should know what you disagree on as that could be a deal breaker for both of you.