A story of hope: when his porn use nearly destroyed their marriage

The final episode in a 6-part series which aims to open eyes and free lives from the damaging effects of porn. The series is brought to you by Naked Truth, a UK charity, now in South Africa, which works internationally to change lives and minds through awareness, education and recovery, guided by the mission of Isaiah 40. That we would “level mountains and lift valleys to reveal Jesus.”

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6

Honest, trustworthy, faithful…

Those were the three words I would have used to describe my husband — until the truth about his porn use came out. Today, I can say them with even more depth and truth than I ever could before. The road that brought us here was not easy.

Before we got married, we talked openly about pornography. I had been in a previous relationship where porn was a major issue, and I needed reassurance. Pete was honest — he told me it was in his past. Two years into marriage, when he slipped back into it, he told me soon afterwards. We were on church staff at the time, and though it was handled quietly, we thought we had faced it.

Years later, while living overseas as missionaries, Pete shared the full story. His struggle had been ongoing, hidden and painful. He had asked for help early on, but the advice he received was deeply damaging: “Don’t tell your wife.” And so, the burden remained in secret. When the truth finally came out, it was hard. The betrayal was real.

I spiralled into betrayal trauma. I was devastated — not only by Pete’s betrayal, but also by the church that had allowed him to lie to me. I felt divorce was on the table. The sacred covenant of our marriage felt broken. I didn’t just feel cracked — I felt like I had shattered into a million pieces.

That season was incredibly painful for both of us. The trust was broken, and I felt overwhelmed, confused, and heartbroken. I had sensed something was wrong for a long time. There had been signs in our relationship, and in the way I was being treated, I had directly asked and been lied to. Learning the truth shook my confidence. Yet in the middle of the mess, God made a way.

Through an unexpected reconnection with a man named Lucas — someone who supported leaders struggling with porn — we found hope. He pointed us to The Naked Truth Project, and we both joined their recovery programmes. Lucas regularly walked with Pete, and he also saw me. He acknowledged my pain and the fact that I needed support. That mattered so much. He was a lifeline and, in many ways, kept us both alive.

The Naked Truth’s Wholehearted programme carried me gently. I wept in those groups — ugly, deep, healing sobs. And the ladies got it, I was not alone in my struggles. A song by Hannah Kerr became my anthem: You’re catching every tear as it falls, God. You love me the same. I clung to that, knowing I was filling buckets in heaven.

My husband was fully taking ownership of his actions and working towards change. I also knew that I deeply loved him, that he was my best friend and that God could see us through. I didn’t know what that journey would look like, and I could see my husband was working towards recovery, and I wanted to work through this with him. I saw change. He listened to me in a way I’d never experienced. He shared his emotions. Our marriage took on a depth it had never had before — honest, trustworthy, and faithful – those words were beginning to seem like they could ring true. He was in counselling, attending Click to Kick, meeting with Lucas, and was fully committed to me. I felt treasured by him.

We chose not to separate, but we did start again. A few months later, Pete proposed to me all over again, and this time, the foundation we stood on was one of truth, healing, and deep love. We are building something better than we ever imagined. And I am once again thankful for the role played by the church in sharpening and blessing me.

Two and a half years on, I am full of gratitude. God met us in the darkness — and led us out with His light. Ministries like The Naked Truth didn’t gloss over the pain and walked with us into restoration. I know our story isn’t everyone’s story. But I want you to know — whether you’re the one who’s struggled, the one who’s been hurt, or the one walking alongside others — there is hope. The God who caught my tears is catching yours. His love is steady. His grace is real. God’s light has shone in my darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.

If you are struggling with porn use, or are a partner struggling to deal with the betrayal, a parent looking for guidance or a pastor wanting to be better equipped we would encourage you to reach out to us on our website: https://nakedtruthproject.com/

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