Focus on the Family: dealing with tragedies

Q: I vividly remember exactly where I was when I heard about the World Trade Centre and Pentagon attacks. My son was just an infant then; now he’s reading about significant events like 9/11, the 2004 Indian Ocean tsunami, and more recent incidents of war. Yesterday he asked me how people respond to these tragedies. What’s your take?

Graeme: The biggest challenge we all face may be to live every moment focused on what truly matters. For example, each time a natural disaster occurs, I listen to the wisdom of those who survive. These good folks stand in the rubble of their lives and, almost without exception, share the same perspective about what’s really important. Though they’ve lost everything from a material standpoint, they express deep gratitude that their loved ones are safe.

That type of reaction makes sense. After all, tragedy has a unique way of bringing clarity into our lives. But I’m troubled that it often takes a crisis for us to see clearly. We get distracted, and family priorities soon begin to erode. For example, studies have shown that on average, fathers spend less than sixty seconds in daily conversation with each of their children!

Our culture constantly offers a skewed idea of what’s valuable, and we buy into that hype far too easily. Parents work longer and harder in a never-ending quest for bigger houses, newer cars, and the latest technology. Eventually, the “stuff” of life overshadows what really matters, while time with our family dwindles away.

When disaster rocks our lives at a foundational level, we need something to comfort us that goes even deeper. There are only two things in life that we can count on to do that – the love and support of family and friends, and, most importantly, the bedrock of faith. Nothing besides love and an eternal perspective can reach into our suffering and bring us true comfort.

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Photo taken 26 December 2004 shows the arrival of the second wave of the tsunami which engulfed Phuket’s Chedi resort restaurant in Thailand and its surrounding gardens. (PHOTO: Joanne Davis/The Hindu)

Q: It seems there’s always another tragedy being reported – even livestreamed. I’m concerned about how such things impact my kids. Do you have any advice?

Graeme: This world can be a scary place. Media is constantly filled with bad news – from natural disasters to acts of violence and terrorist threats. It’s tough enough to deal with these tragedies as adults, let alone talking to our children about them.

While parents shouldn’t draw attention to every troubling event in the news, some are so widely publicised they can’t be avoided. In those circumstances, it’s a good idea to proactively talk to your kids using age-appropriate language. In as simple terms as possible, explain that hurt and pain are a part of our world. But strongly reassure them that you’ll always do everything in your power to protect them. Remind them that dedicated people (medics, police), although not perfect, stand ready to support and defend us. Most of all, model faith and hope in God.

Keep in mind, too, that physical touch is an important part of these conversations. When children are feeling uncertain, a parent’s hug can go a long way toward calming their fears.

It’s important to invite your kids to share what’s on their heart as well. Allow them to question or comment, but don’t overload them with information. Be sure to limit exposure to ongoing coverage, particularly graphic video images. Finally, remember that various personality types and ages handle such events differently. Many children want to know how it all applies to their own lives, if they are safe and what they can do to help.

Helping kids navigate troubling news isn’t easy, but caring, faithful parents can be a key source of strength, comfort, and security. For more, see safamily.co.za.

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