Q: What can I do to stop my young child’s temper tantrums?
Graeme: Tantrums can be exhausting, but very informative. It is not uncommon for young kids to struggle with managing their overwhelming feelings of anger, frustration, and disappointment. But there is always something behind the thoughts and emotions.
Here are a few steps you can take to support your child’s emotional control.
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1. What’s the root?
At younger ages, it’s important to help your child give names to their emotions that kick self-control out of their brain. The roots of their behaviour likely involve several feelings they don’t know how to verbalise or describe. You can use an Emotions Chart or Feelings Wheel to give names to your child’s feelings and more clearly communicate what they’re experiencing.
2. Redirect their thought bubbles.
You can try to give the child a random fact to get their thinking brain reengaged (e.g., did you know a male hippo weighs more than 1 500kg or sharks have about 3 000 teeth?) The child’s emotional brain takes over when they are entering a tantrum and it gets locked in — basically stuck. Dislodge it with an unrelated fact to help the child start thinking again. Some kids also benefit from a time out, closing their eyes, or doing a relaxing activity like colouring or something active.
3. Provide redo opportunities
Your child’s brain is still developing as they learn. Give them opportunities to communicate and pursue what they want differently. Teach them healthy and more effective ways to ask for something or to express the emotions they feel. The earlier they know how to handle a disappointment, hunger, or just “no,” the better they will function down the road.
Q: I get so discouraged with constant streams of “news” highlighting how people fight about politics, moral beliefs, race, religion, etc. Honestly, I despair that there can ever be peace in our society. What are your thoughts?
Graeme: No doubt about it, society is deeply divided on many fronts. But I think much of the conflict is driven by an idea that’s fundamentally untrue: the perception that disagreeing with someone means you disrespect them as a person — or even hate them. That shouldn’t be the case.
Sure, beliefs can be polarising. But differing perspectives don’t automatically lead us to jettison our sense of dignity for one another. We can still passionately articulate what we believe but do it with civility and respect.
The key is grasping and applying a fundamental principle that universally applies to everyone: a person’s value is ingrained in qualities beyond what we see at first glance. That’s why my Christian faith emphasises the profound worth of every human being. People don’t deserve dignity because they’re the right height, shape, colour, political persuasion, or any other label. All human beings have immeasurable value because we each bear the image of our Creator.
I firmly believe that conversations about societal issues must start — and continue — in that context. And it works. So, the “secret ingredient” is pretty straightforward: respecting our neighbours as we want them to respect us. That perspective builds bridges, not walls.
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