[notice] A fortnightly column by Anna Heydenrych.[/notice]
I recently became a mom. My son was one month old yesterday. There is nothing that could have prepared me for the reality of being a mother. Although I spent much time in anticipation, reading up on babies, thinking about my baby and talking about my baby while I was pregnant, becoming a mom turns out to be something that I would only begin to understand once our son entered the world.
This little person is fully dependent on me to look after him and to love him. I have been thinking a lot about love over these past few weeks. The pace of my life has changed considerably; my days are full, but I only have capacity for a singular pursuit right now, to care for and love my son. This season requires me to lay down my wants and needs for someone else.
And so, even though my days are busy, and my nights too for that matter, the pace of my days are such that I have more head space. I have put on hold thoughts and concerns about work, exercise, my social life, ministry, my wardrobe… I will pick them up again later, but for now, I am content to simply get through the days knowing I am fulfilling my role as a new mom.
I am grateful for this newly found head space, for as I perform the simple, often tiring and sometimes frustrating new everyday tasks, I can choose to fill this head space with heavenly matters. I can regard this season as a blessing and even a time of equipping as I disconnect from all the busy thoughts and concerns of my pre-baby life. It’s an opportunity to realign my thought life and to commune with God more frequently.
I hope I am not making this season sound like I have adjusted to it with ease and bliss. Becoming a mom is a huge adjustment, and the reason I am filling my mind with heavenly matters is because I need God’s help at this time. I need to develop the fruits of the Spirit in my life in order to handle each new challenge that comes my way. I need to commune with God so that I can access His peace and not be overcome with the difficulties of parenting in the early days.
Now back to love, As I said I have been thinking a lot about love. I need to abide in God’s love and I need to meditate on His love for me and how I can translate this unfathomable resource to my child. As I gaze upon the face of my baby son, I am reminded of how utterly yielded and dependent he is on me. Right now, I am the source of everything he needs. I nourish him, clothe and clean him and help him to sleep. I am only human, a young mom who feels pretty overwhelmed and unsure most of the time, but my love for him propels me to ensure he has everything he needs and feels cared for and loved.
I think about God’s love for us and I think that many of us struggle to yield to His love in the way an infant yields to the love of its mother. Surely God will never disappoint us, yet we live in fear of so many things. My baby responds to each immediate situation, crying out when he needs me, but I have a feeling he does not lie around wondering where his next meal will come from.
This is just one of the little lessons on love that I have discovered during this new journey.