Q: I recently got married – and my new husband and I are feeling a little overwhelmed. Even in just a few short weeks, life together isn’t quite measuring up to what we anticipated. Is this normal? We both really want to make this relationship work.
Graeme: Being a newlywed can be scary. No matter how strong your relationship with your spouse, the lofty expectations you had before the wedding rarely match the reality after you say “I do.”
I remember crying on our honeymoon. I couldn’t remember the last time I had cried actual tears before that. If not for prayer, and encouragement and input from our friends as well as intentionally gaining insight from resources, articles and seminars, we might have withered on the vine.
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That’s why it’s so important for young couples to have “marriage mentors” in their lives. Quite simply, these are older couples with years of experience under their belts. They can offer wise counsel to young couples who might be feeling uncertain and overwhelmed.
Some newlyweds come from stable families, and might see their own parents as potential marriage mentors. However, moms and dads don’t always have the objectivity to offer unbiased advice. According to Doctors Les and Leslie Parrott, a marriage mentor is not a mother or a father or a close friend. Marriage mentors are not “on call” for every crisis, they don’t have perfect marriages themselves, and they aren’t know-it-alls. Rather, they’re friendly acquaintances who can model a healthy relationship and offer insights when needed.
As a newly married couple, I hope you’ll take the time to seek out marriage mentors. And a word to the “old pros” reading this – it’s worth seeking out a younger couple with whom you can share openly about the joys and challenges of a lifelong commitment. You just might learn something in the process.
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Q: Do you think it’s a good idea for our son to wait a year after matriculating from high school before enrolling at the university? He’s very responsible in a number of ways, he was a prefect, and has very specific plans for his studies and future – but says he wants to take some time off. We’re concerned about him losing momentum. What should we do?
Graeme: Apparently you’ve done a great job of raising your son. He sounds like a thoughtful, intelligent, goal-oriented young man. Given what you’ve said about his level of maturity and keen sense of personal responsibility, I see no reason to be concerned about his desire to take a year off from school.
I’d even suggest that there are a number of constructive ways he can use the time. He can work in order to earn a portion of his university tuition. He can expand and build upon his formal education by traveling or getting involved with community service. He can think about life and ponder his goals and figure out what he wants to study at university. All of this can be an important part of growing up and becoming the person he was created to be. As for “losing momentum,” chances are that he’ll be even more motivated to dive into his studies after a year-long break – especially when he realises that many career choices won’t be open to him without a university degree.
Again, in light of what you’ve said about your son’s track record to this point, I wouldn’t be too concerned about his plans to take a year off. There are many successful people in the world who didn’t go to university right out of high school. The most important thing at this point is to uphold your son with love, support, and gentle guidance in whatever he decides to do.
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