At the beginning of July, I fell and fractured one of the bones in my arm. No big deal, really — some discomfort and a custom brace, and I was on the mend again. But at the end of July, I fell again, however this time I broke both bones in the same arm, which required surgery and a few days in hospital.
When people ask me why I fell, thinking it must be due either to my after-hours drinking habits or an underlying medical condition, my answer causes some confusion: Hurrying from one place to the next, one task to the next, feeling the need to do it all from morning to night.
I was tired and stressed, feeling overwhelmed and unable to recognise that (surprise, surprise) I couldn’t physically do it all because even 24 hours will never be enough time to do everything that I feel needs to be done in a day – by me.
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People, in their love and concern for me would say: You probably just need rest and now you have the opportunity, so make the most of it.
Yes, I had time to reflect but I wouldn’t call it rest. More like a reset.
While it is amazing what can be done with just one arm, there were many things that I simply couldn’t do. For myself or for others. Although some changes were only temporary, such as how dependent I initially was on others in my day-to-day life, I would like to think that some changes, which I have been forced to make, will remain.
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Let me explain: The day after I came out of hospital, I woke up feeling miserable partly due to the pain (and I was in a great deal of pain and discomfort) but largely due to the reality that what I thought was my ‘ordered and structured’ life was now in a state of relative chaos, and there was nothing I could do about it. Some things would have to wait until I could do them or they would have to be done by someone else.
Fast forward to earlier this week when I was forced to deal with my very own Monica’s closet (from the 90’s comedy TV show Friends) aka the room that we would like to eventually turn into a guest room but which is currently filled with everything I have removed from my otherwise clean and tidy house, and haven’t decided what to do with. You get the picture.
Just like Monica’s closet, this room was a secret and no one outside my immediate family had access to it. I even locked it and kept the key hidden. But this week everything changed. Our new tenant for our semi-furnished cottage would be bringing along his own bed and other furniture, which meant our furniture needed to be stored somewhere. Picture a crisis. This was not a job I could do on my own or even with the help of my husband. My secret room would have to be exposed and there was nothing I could do about it.
But to my surprise, when the job was done, I felt tremendous relief. Not only did the friend who helped us create space for the cottage furniture, he also organised our belongings in a way that makes sense and motivates me to deal with them bit by bit over time. What seemed like a crisis was in fact a huge help to me personally, and a blessing to my family as well. The guest room/library/entertainment room/gym (yes, we have high hopes for this room) can now be used even with all the belongings still without a home.
While I don’t for a moment believe that God causes situations in our lives, I am convinced (yet again) that he uses them for our benefit as well as for our spiritual growth.
My eyes have been opened to the fact that when I try to control my life in such a way that I limit other people’s ability to come alongside me, what I am actually doing is limiting God in my life. This experience, while painful and very inconvenient, has taught me that there is freedom and blessing in relinquishing control to the One who is always in control, our Heavenly Father.
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