‘Women desperate for men to take up their spiritual leadership role ‘

Women’s conference on Saturday of KMMC

Many women have been praying consistently for months for their men to be able to attend the Karoo Mighty Men Conference 2015.

Ruthi Van der Merwe who co-ordinates KMMC’s marketing with her husband Ponnie, says that her heart breaks for the mass of women that so desperately want their husbands to attend the conference.

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“I receive calls and enquiries daily from woman that appeal on behalf of their men who are not attending due to financial and time constraints, or simply do not want to.

“I am talking of thousands of women, from wives to fiancés, girlfriends and daughters,” says Van der Merwe.

Edna Els, who is speaking at the Saturday women’s conference that is taking place parallel to KMMC, says women are desperate for men to fulfil their spiritual role in the family, because so often men abdicate this responsibility, not because their hearts are closed to God, but because they live and work under such a tremendous sense of pressure that they fail to put God first and let the other aspects of their lives fall into place as a result of their relationships with God.

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Edna, wife of Louis Els who will present the Friday-night session at KMMC 2015, says that she often also hears testimonies from women whose husbands have to work away from their families in order to make ends meet, which forces the women to take-up the role of the leader in the home.

“When the husband comes home he is too tired to take-up his role, so there is a vacuum of men rising up and being the leaders that God has called them to be.

Insecurity in hearts of women
“There is also a tremendous insecurity in the hearts of many women, because they so desperately want their husbands to take up their leadership role that they begin nagging their spouses who are struggling to keep themselves together, never mind leading the family.

“There is a real sense of urgency among Christian women for their husbands to take-up the role of both spiritual and material leader in the home and family,” says Els.

It is broadly accepted that much of the social, political, emotional and spiritual turmoil in our country today is the direct result of the absence of fathers who should fulfil the role as mentors and role models in the lives of their children. Thank God for the many mothers who try to stand in the gap, but God-fearing men are greatly needed to lead and be examples in all strata of society.

Els advises that the main way that women can support their husbands in re-assuming their roles as mentors, role models and loving fathers is by taking responsibility for their own happiness and wellbeing in relationship with God and not expecting their husbands to be responsible for making them happy, but instead to create a place of safety in the home where the husband feels honoured and loved in an environment of unity and oneness with his wife.

However, Els says time constraints and financial limitations on the family put a huge burden on wives who have an overwhelming heart for their children and often have to act as a buffer between their husband and children, which they should not have to do.

“The one thing I pick-up speaking to many women is that they are tired, overwhelmed and under pressure, because they are trying so hard to make things work in the family that they lose touch with their own identity and who God has made them to be.

“Many women are losing touch with their own hearts and the truth that God loves them, cares for them and has a purpose for their lives, because they are expected to be so many things for so many people.”

Need to guard their hearts
Els says that women have to guard their hearts, because there are so many voices from the outside, which vary from newspapers to TV, social media, friends and the demands of family.

“Many women get to a place in which they are out of touch with their own hearts, because there are so many different pressures that they are in survival mode.

“Just to get back to that place of being in touch and guarding their own hearts requires women to take a step back and take some time to look into their own hearts by the Spirit of God in order to see what they find there.

“Only then can they deal with it accurately according to the Word of God and be the women that God has called them to be and actually enjoy life instead of merely being in survival mode.

“It is vital that women enjoy their relationship with God, because we know that He isn’t going to give us an answer, He is the answer.

“In Him we live and move and have our being. God has amazing things in store for us as His children. It is up to us to spend time with Him and know that even if our lives feel out of control He knows the purpose and He is faithful.

“Women need to get into that place in their spiritual relationships with God where it becomes more real than the material circumstances in which they find themselves on a daily basis,” says Els.

Time with God
“Women have to spend time with God allowing the Spirit of God to shine the light of His word on their hearts to illuminate the recurring areas in which they stumble and that are holding them back. We all have areas and issues in our hearts that we have not dealt with,” she adds.

Els emphasises that many of these issues cannot be worked out in isolation.

“God created us to live in relationship with Him and each other. He causes us to work these issues out in humility, which means being known for whom we really are, both our best and worst characteristics, by brothers and sisters in Christ who accept us.

“Having authentic relationships in which we can humble ourselves to our friends, confess where we are at, and ask them to pray for us and help us is one of the practical ways of guarding our hearts.

“Having people around us that we can trust and allow access to speak into our life is a sensible way of guarding our hearts, because it demands accountability, honesty and transparency.

“Otherwise we become an island that is a self-defence mechanism, which the Word of God warns us against in Proverbs 18:1 ‘A man who isolates himself seeks his own desire; He rages against all wise judgement’.

“The moment that we isolate ourselves we cut ourselves off from the flow of the love of people and align ourselves with the accuser who keeps on telling us that we are not good enough, which starts imprisoning us on that island.

“The place of isolation and protecting your own heart becomes a prison that is desperately hard to break out of and it prevents us from connecting with other people and with God.

“However, it is only through our relationship with God that any of our other relationships have a chance of succeeding. He created us with the capacity for relationships and He wants us to intentionally engage in meaningful relationships, which should be Christ-like and life transforming.

“God is our lifeline and God is our source.”

Women will have the opportunity to focus on their relationships with God, their husbands, families and friends during a parallel Saturday conference at KMMC 2015.

For more information contact Nelmi Uys 076 230 0915.