Focus on the Family: Dad’s and daughters’ suitors

Q: My sixteen-year-old daughter has blossomed into a beautiful young lady — and it seems I’m not the only one who’s noticed. She’s getting more and more attention from boys her age, and I suspect it won’t be long before she’ll be dating. As her dad, what’s my role in interacting with and vetting any potential suitors?

Graeme: Well, I advise you avoid some of the comedic cliché extremes like polishing your shotgun when a boy visits. At the same time, you don’t want to disappear into the shadows when young men start showing up at your doorstep. As a father, you have an important role to play.

One of your chief responsibilities is to protect your daughter. That’s especially important when she’s beginning to date. Now that you’re approaching that time of life, consider this suggestion from author Dennis Rainey: “Interview the boys who aspire to date your daughter.”

You heard me right. Before any dates are scheduled, meet with the boys who are interested in your daughter and ask them some serious questions to determine if they’re mature and responsible young men of good character. Don’t be combative or heavy-handed, but do make it clear how you expect them to treat and behave toward your daughter. It’s not about intimidating the boy as much as it is promoting a sense of respect for her.

Another benefit of this exercise is that your daughter will learn how to evaluate potential suitors on her own. And, really, that’s the point. Whether it’s a high school boy or her future husband, the goal is for your daughter to understand and demand that she be treated with the respect and dignity she deserves. As with most things in life, that education starts right there at home.

Q: My eight-year-old son enjoys playing video games. We try our best to manage his playing time, but recently I saw a news story about how predators target kids through online gaming. Is there anything we can do to protect our son? 

Graeme: Well done for caring enough about your son to manage his gaming activity. Sadly, predators are not easily deterred in their efforts to exploit vulnerabilities of the innocent, so you’re wise to exercise parental diligence. The following are measures I’d recommend:

• If you haven’t already done so, be sure that your game system is in a public area of your home where your son’s online interactions can be easily monitored.
  
• Familiarise yourself with and use the parental controls of the gaming system. Not only can you set time limits, but you can restrict access to inappropriate games.

• Check the game system settings to make sure any online methods of locating your son are turned off.
  
• Teach your son why he must keep personal information private (no last names, addresses, phone numbers, age, school information, photos, etc.).

• Set clear boundaries and explain why he should never visit chat rooms or engage strangers in online conversation.
  
• Establish a rule that allows online gaming only with friends that you and your son both know, and instruct him to tell you if fellow players do anything unsafe or inappropriate.

• Limit all gaming-related purchases to you and your spouse only.

In connection with this last point, I’d encourage you to check out our pluggin.com gaming reviews for family-friendliness. This, along with the other guidelines I’ve mentioned, should help make sure that your son’s gaming experience safe and fun.

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