Q: I’d say my wife and I have a good marriage. I’d like to move it to great, but I’m not very adept at the “warm fuzzy” stuff. What’s your advice?
Graeme: I get this question all the time from men. I think it’s basically a matter of perspective, so I encourage them to approach their relationships with their wives like they would a teammate.
Many of us guys have been involved with sports at some point, or we’ve seen well-functioning organizations. A lot of the same principles apply to both settings. When you create a culture of respect and hard work among teammates, you can be successful at just about anything. I’ve heard a successful athlete say it this way: “When teammates give their best as individuals, they make each other better.”
The best teams aren’t necessarily those with the most gifted players. Winning often comes down to teammates who are willing to work hard to learn their roles and execute their assignments, while motivating one another toward excellence. Play as much for the guy next to you as you do for yourself. That’s key to success — in sports, in business, and especially in marriage.
Your wife is your teammate through life. Be willing to work as hard (even harder) at your relationship with her as you do at your job or the hobbies you enjoy. Know your role on the team and handle your business. I’m sure she has a few things that she needs to work on too, but don’t make that your primary focus. She’ll be motivated to improve her part in your marriage when you step up and improve yours. And when everybody does their part, the team succeeds.
For more ideas to help your marriage thrive, visit safamily.co.za
Q: My daughter is entering high school and starting to show more interest in dating. How will I know if and when she is ready to date?
Graeme: My wife and I had some similar conversations in our home with three daughters. Before we ever spoke about dating with our girls, we had many ongoing conversations on topics like friendships, sex, attraction, and relationships that I hoped would prepare them for a new stage of life that may include dating.
There’s no universal way to know if your teen is ready for dating. But even if you’ve never had conversations about these topics with your teen before, it’s never too late to start.
As you begin to have these conversations, help your teen focus on answering this question: “Am I a contributor or a consumer?” The good news is that you can help your teen think through the purpose of dating and make sure they know the difference between being a contributor and a consumer.
Signs of a Consumer:
- They can ACT friendly, kind, or compassionate to get something they want.
- Transactional and self-focused approach to dating.
- Motivated by getting rather than giving.
Signs of a Contributor:
- They ARE friendly, kind, and compassionate out of love for someone else.
- Others-focused and grateful approach to dating.
- Focused on giving rather than receiving.
Another important element in seeing if your teen is ready to date is communicating clearly about boundaries and expectations. Using a dating contract can be a helpful way for you to get on the same page with your teen.
You can go to safamily.co.za to learn more about creating appropriate boundaries for your teens.
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