As we approach the festive season, and with the prospect of an extended summer break right around the corner, my thoughts are turning to the opportunities we will have as a family to spend more time with others, both family and friends, at home.
During the year, not a week goes by without visitors coming to our home, but somehow because life in Johannesburg can be so busy, time together often feels rushed, if we can find time in our calendars at all.
This desire to invite others into my personal space, to slow down and connect with them did not, however, always come naturally to me.
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Growing up, I lived in what may be termed a closed home – our home was open upon invitation only (which was rarely extended) otherwise it was closed, even to family.
So, you can imagine, when I married my husband who just so happens to come from an open home where anyone could drop by without notice and be welcomed with food and hospitality, it resulted in more than a little tension in our marriage.
But over the years, we have come to an understanding. Our home is neither open nor closed but can be both, depending on the stage of life we are in, how heavy our respective work schedules are, and the needs of our children. In short, we are flexible and communicate with each other and with our children about our plans, as far as possible ahead of time.
But we have travelled a rocky road to get here.
Poor communication, unexpected guests and a home that took time and effort to be “ready” to welcome guests was only the tip of the iceberg.
The real work needed to take place in my heart.
As an introvert who has perfectionist tendencies and likes to plan everything in fine detail, I caused myself so much stress and anxiety, unnecessarily. Everything in our house would need to be perfectly clean and in place. The food we served would have to be chef approved and every dietary need would have to be accommodated. My children would have to be spotless and on their best behaviour. And I wouldn’t accept help from any of our guests even if I needed it.
Needless to say, I was often exhausted before the guests arrived and on edge during their visit. But little did I know then what I was missing out on. I was also missing the point.
Fast forward to today, and I have become a different type of host. Less prepared but more relaxed. Not everything is perfect or all together ready when our guests arrive but importantly, I am ready in my heart to greet them with a smile and a hug, and welcome them into the place we call home, happy to share who we are and what we have with each of them.
In the process, I have learned to be grateful for the life we have created within these four walls, content with what we have right now, and generally so much more comfortable in my own skin.
Our children have also learned what it means to be hospitable, and how to build connections with people of different ages and from all walks of life.
The truth is, when we invite others into our home, we automatically invite them into our hearts. So, of course we will make every effort to plan and prepare for their visit but not to the point of focusing more on the practical preparations and less on how we prepare our hearts to welcome them.
For people won’t necessarily remember how well we cooked or our taste in decorating, but they will always remember how we made them feel while they spent time with us in our home. More than anything, I hope they feel loved.
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